To BEACH or not to BEACH

August 07, 2012  •  Leave a Comment

That is the question...

 

You prepare yourself for the beach way in advance. You exfoliate, groom, shave and tan in advance so when you are at the beach it looks like you've been there for a while.

 

Right before going, you lather yourself with sunscreen while carefully trying not to swear the white stuff on your clothes and dutifully covering every inch of your body. You then endure the smell and the glistering of your body as you gaze at yourself in the mirror wondering if you are too old to wear a two piece suite and how many pounds you need to lose to look acceptable to a judging audience. On the plus side, you don't fell as intimidated in Europe becacuse Europeans don't really care what you look like or do on the beach. Here is a proof. In the video you'll see a topless woman laying on her back while her thighs are being massaged vigorsly by an overweight half naked man.

At the beach, you try your hardest not to get too sandy because you won't be able to reapply the sunscreen, try not to step on the sand or it will burn your feet, not to get stinged by a jelly fish or a stranger will have to pee on you, not to get drowned by the waves, and all the while trying to maintain your composure and making sure your boobs don't fall out of your two piece as you walk out of the ocean.

Side note, Dory fish from Nemo was right. Jelly fish don't sting if you touch them at the top.

 

After the beach, you are exhausted from being in the sun, even though you did nothing but lay on a bench that you rented for $10/hr. You are dehydrated from the lack of fluids in your body. And now you have to take a mandatory shower (as if you haven't been in the water enough that day) to remove the salt from your hair and sand from your butt crack. As you step out of the shower into a pool of sand on the floor you are reminded of all the cleaning you still have to do to remove the lingering effects of going to the beach. Oh yes, I almost forgot... you did get sun-burnt so your ears and the backs of your legs will be hurting and peeling for a while.

 

So why, or why do we go to the beach I ask?


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